Going to Church when you don't believe in God

I was riding the BART train from San Francisco to Berkeley the other day when I got a text from my sister Katie.  "Can you remind me what you said that one time about lots of clergy not believing in God?"  I waited until I got off the train and hit re-dial.  I didn't know exactly what she was getting at, but it seemed unlikely that a text message would be sufficient to communicate the sensitivity and nuance that I felt an answer to her question deserved.  

It turned out that Katie had found herself in conversation that week with several people--a friend, a patient, a neighbor--all of whom seemed to be deeply longing to return to church after however many years away.  The problem was, they weren't sure they could go to church without being hypocritical, since they didn't really believe in God anymore.  Apparently they assumed that belief (whatever that means to them) in God (whatever that means to them) is  some sort of non-negotiable prerequisite for actively participating with integrity in the life of a Christian faith community. 

Katie and I talked for about a half hour, at which point one of her kids started wailing in the background and she had to hang up.  As she was hanging up, she threw in this quick request "Could you just put everything you said into a video or an essay or something?  Because I'm never going to be able to remember what you said the next time it comes up." 

It's taken me a few weeks, Katie, but here you go.  Straight from the Pastor's mouth.

If you feel some sort of deep and persistent (or even vague and fleeting)  desire to go to church, it is 100% permissible to go, even if you don't "believe in God."   In fact, I'd say, you not only may, you probably should.  

Why? ​

Because I believe that your desire is trustworthy and your desire is enough: 

• First of all, by definition, desire always reflects what we lack, not what we  have.  Thus, it turns out, you can't desire faith unless you lack it. So lack of faith is actually a prerequisite for desiring faith.  And the desire for faith (as opposed to the confident or self-righteous possession of faith)  seems to me like a pretty good prerequisite for going to church.  (As a wise person once said, "The opposite of faith is not doubt.  The opposite of faith is certainty.")  In other words, I would argue that your lack of faith, far from disqualifying you from church participation, is precisely what qualifies you for participating with integrity in the life of the church community.  

• Furthermore, I believe your desire for God (however vague or conflicted)  is actually a reflection of God's desire for you.  As far as I'm concerned, the fact that any part of you is longing to go to church, when there are so many reasons (both lame and solid) NOT to go, suggests the strong possibility that God is actually real, and that God is absolutely relentless in wooing you, me, and all of us stubborn, busy, resistant creatures into this irrational, dangerous, spectacularly irresistible love affair--with God, with all of God's children, and with God's whole creation.   

Because I believe that "Belief" is regularly misunderstood and vastly overrated: 

• When we say we don't "believe" in "God", we are usually making assumptions about "belief" and "God" which are questionable, at best.   If we think "belief" is fundamentally about intellectual understanding of and/or assent to some doctrinal or theological claim about  God or Jesus or the universe, then I know very few (if any) faithful church folks (lay or ordained) who could confidently call themselves "believers" 100% of the time.  Or even 50% of the time for that matter. Some of us are doing well if we hit 10%.   However, if we understand "belief", not in the modern sense of "intellectual understanding and assent", but rather in its more original and biblical sense, as "trusting in" and "being faithful to" God (that mysterious force of Love and Life that defies comprehension, but that nevertheless beckons to us and touches us from time to time in Scripture, in worship, in Christian community), then we can begin to imagine counting ourselves among "believers" with a little more regularity. Whatever ideas about God I  can or can't think or feel or imagine or accept on any given day, I can still in good conscience consider myself a "believer" because I can still choose trust; I can still choose to be faithful; I can still choose to commend my life to that Holy Mystery beyond my comprehension; I can still choose to show up, in spite of my "unbelief".

• It turns out that in the Church, which is the Body of Christ, the  "belief"  of any individual member on any given day is largely irrelevant.  In the Church, we are each just one (tiny, yet indispensable) part of the Household of God.  In the Church, we are each just one (tiny, yet indispensable) part of the Body.  We all can and must contribute our many and varied gifts to the body.  But the best gift we contribute may not and need not always be the gift of faith.  In her commentary on Mark 16:9-20 in "Feasting on the Gospels", Pastor Mary Luti writes, " We might learn....to speak of the church as a company of disciples who pool the gift of faith, inquiring into, testing, grounding, and trusting each other's experiences of God, thereby building a great storehouse of faith small and great, new and seasoned, questioning and serene, from which we all borrow and to which we all lend, generation to generation..."  Imagine, if you will, the community of the Church as an enormous Faith Lending Library.  We might borrow from the library for years, for decades even, before we ever find anything of our own to contribute to the collection.  And that's totally okay. That's what libraries are for.  Not for coveting, comparing, or consuming.  For lending.  For borrowing. For sharing.   ​

Because I believe that church participation--in and of itself--has the potential to support the health and flourishing of individuals, families, society, and creation.

• Even if it turns out that God doesn't exist, I think it's entirely possible that your life and our world might still be better because you go to church.  Because music is good for you.  Singing is good for you.  Silence is good for you.  Reflection is good for you.  Prayer & meditation are good for you.  Community is good for you.  Service is good for you. Intergenerational relationships are good for you.  Ritual and routine are good for you.  Because regular church participation can significantly enhance your kids' literacy, leadership, and social skills as well as their empathy, musicality, and ability to sit reasonably still and be reasonably polite even when they're bored.  Because regular engagement with scripture and worship can enhance your kids' capacity for critical, imaginative, and metaphorical thinking.  Because being rooted in a community that stretches back into history grounds us.  Being rooted in a community that stretches across the globe broadens us.  Because encountering mystery humbles us.  Encountering beauty inspires us.  Engaging questions sharpens our thinking. Sharing suffering softens our hearts.  Shared practices and shared narratives help us find orientation and meaning and direction.in our lives. And, last but not least, we can do more good working together than we can working alone.     

So if you find yourself among those who feel some little nagging curiosity, urge, or longing to go to church, I say:  just do it!  Don't worry too much about what you do or don't believe.  For now, you can trust that your desire is enough.  For now, you can trust that showing up is enough.  (And if it turns out God is real, you can trust that S/He will take it from there.)  

Love, 
Sylvia+