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Going to Church when you don't believe in God

4/26/2019

17 Comments

 
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I was riding the BART train from San Francisco to Berkeley the other day when I got a text from my sister Katie.  "Can you remind me what you said that one time about lots of clergy not believing in God?"  I waited until I got off the train and hit re-dial.  I didn't know exactly what she was getting at, but it seemed unlikely that a text message would be sufficient to communicate the sensitivity and nuance that I felt an answer to her question deserved.  

It turned out that Katie had found herself in conversation that week with several people--a friend, a patient, a neighbor--all of whom seemed to be deeply longing to return to church after however many years away.  The problem was, they weren't sure they could go to church without being hypocritical, since they didn't really believe in God anymore.  Apparently they assumed that belief (whatever that means to them) in God (whatever that means to them) is  some sort of non-negotiable prerequisite for actively participating with integrity in the life of a Christian faith community. 

Katie and I talked for about a half hour, at which point one of her kids started wailing in the background and she had to hang up.  As she was hanging up, she threw in this quick request "Could you just put everything you said into a video or an essay or something?  Because I'm never going to be able to remember what you said the next time it comes up." 
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It's taken me a few weeks, Katie, but here you go.  Straight from the Pastor's mouth.

If you feel some sort of deep and persistent (or even vague and fleeting)  desire to go to church, it is 100% permissible to go, even if you don't "believe in God."   In fact, I'd say, you not only may, you probably should.  

Why? ​
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Because I believe that your desire is trustworthy and your desire is enough: 

  • First of all, by definition, desire always reflects what we lack, not what we  have.  Thus, it turns out, you can't desire faith unless you lack it. So lack of faith is actually a prerequisite for desiring faith.  And the desire for faith (as opposed to the confident or self-righteous possession of faith)  seems to me like a pretty good prerequisite for going to church.  (As a wise person once said, "The opposite of faith is not doubt.  The opposite of faith is certainty.")  In other words, I would argue that your lack of faith, far from disqualifying you from church participation, is precisely what qualifies you for participating with integrity in the life of the church community.  

  • Furthermore, I believe your desire for God (however vague or conflicted)  is actually a reflection of God's desire for you.  As far as I'm concerned, the fact that any part of you is longing to go to church, when there are so many reasons (both lame and solid) NOT to go, suggests the strong possibility that God is actually real, and that God is absolutely relentless in wooing you, me, and all of us stubborn, busy, resistant creatures into this irrational, dangerous, spectacularly irresistible love affair--with God, with all of God's children, and with God's whole creation.   
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Because I believe that "Belief" is regularly misunderstood and vastly overrated: 

  • When we say we don't "believe" in "God", we are usually making assumptions about "belief" and "God" which are questionable, at best.   If we think "belief" is fundamentally about intellectual understanding of and/or assent to some doctrinal or theological claim about  God or Jesus or the universe, then I know very few (if any) faithful church folks (lay or ordained) who could confidently call themselves "believers" 100% of the time.  Or even 50% of the time for that matter. Some of us are doing well if we hit 10%.   However, if we understand "belief", not in the modern sense of "intellectual understanding and assent", but rather in its more original and biblical sense, as "trusting in" and "being faithful to" God (that mysterious force of Love and Life that defies comprehension, but that nevertheless beckons to us and touches us from time to time in Scripture, in worship, in Christian community), then we can begin to imagine counting ourselves among "believers" with a little more regularity. Whatever ideas about God I  can or can't think or feel or imagine or accept on any given day, I can still in good conscience consider myself a "believer" because I can still choose trust; I can still choose to be faithful; I can still choose to commend my life to that Holy Mystery beyond my comprehension; I can still choose to show up, in spite of my "unbelief".

  • It turns out that in the Church, which is the Body of Christ, the  "belief"  of any individual member on any given day is largely irrelevant.  In the Church, we are each just one (tiny, yet indispensable) part of the Household of God.  In the Church, we are each just one (tiny, yet indispensable) part of the Body.  We all can and must contribute our many and varied gifts to the body.  But the best gift we contribute may not and need not always be the gift of faith.  In her commentary on Mark 16:9-20 in "Feasting on the Gospels", Pastor Mary Luti writes, " We might learn....to speak of the church as a company of disciples who pool the gift of faith, inquiring into, testing, grounding, and trusting each other's experiences of God, thereby building a great storehouse of faith small and great, new and seasoned, questioning and serene, from which we all borrow and to which we all lend, generation to generation..."  Imagine, if you will, the community of the Church as an enormous Faith Lending Library.  We might borrow from the library for years, for decades even, before we ever find anything of our own to contribute to the collection.  And that's totally okay. That's what libraries are for.  Not for coveting, comparing, or consuming.  For lending.  For borrowing. For sharing.   ​
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Because I believe that church participation--in and of itself--has the potential to support the health and flourishing of individuals, families, society, and creation.

  • Even if it turns out that God doesn't exist, I think it's entirely possible that your life and our world might still be better because you go to church.  Because music is good for you.  Singing is good for you.  Silence is good for you.  Reflection is good for you.  Prayer & meditation are good for you.  Community is good for you.  Service is good for you. Intergenerational relationships are good for you.  Ritual and routine are good for you.  Because regular church participation can significantly enhance your kids' literacy, leadership, and social skills as well as their empathy, musicality, and ability to sit reasonably still and be reasonably polite even when they're bored.  Because regular engagement with scripture and worship can enhance your kids' capacity for critical, imaginative, and metaphorical thinking.  Because being rooted in a community that stretches back into history grounds us.  Being rooted in a community that stretches across the globe broadens us.  Because encountering mystery humbles us.  Encountering beauty inspires us.  Engaging questions sharpens our thinking. Sharing suffering softens our hearts.  Shared practices and shared narratives help us find orientation and meaning and direction.in our lives. And, last but not least, we can do more good working together than we can working alone.     

So if you find yourself among those who feel some little nagging curiosity, urge, or longing to go to church, I say:  just do it!  Don't worry too much about what you do or don't believe.  For now, you can trust that your desire is enough.  For now, you can trust that showing up is enough.  (And if it turns out God is real, you can trust that S/He will take it from there.)  

Love, 
Sylvia+
17 Comments
Rev. Dan Shutters
4/29/2019 07:10:45 am

I like the thoughts expressed here, especially in the paragraph that begins...."Even if it turns out" Somewhere, sometime, in conversations or in some other way, I will probably be using the substance of what you said....If I can remember, I will try to give you credit.

Reply
Gabriele Schroeder
4/29/2019 10:41:57 am

Would you please share with me the source of the Mary Luti quote? Thanks!

Reply
Sylvia Miller-Mutia
4/29/2019 06:49:27 pm

Sure. It's from a Feasting on the Word Commentary-- "Feasting on the Gospels: Mark", Edited by Cynthia A. Jarvis and E. Elizabeth Johnson. Westminster John Knox Press, 2014. page 538 (pastoral perspective column)

Reply
Jo Ann Staebler
4/29/2019 01:41:42 pm

profoundly wise. I'm saving this one for sure.

Reply
Margaret Lyons
5/1/2019 06:20:44 pm

I’d love to see this wonderful essay, the concept, about Jesus instead of God. I have a deep relationship (belief?!) with God but so thoroughly disbelieve in Jesus as the lord and savior that I can’t imagine going to any Jesus-centric church. Can we celebrate each other’s divinity in God without making it about one person (Jesus)?

Reply
Sylvia Miller-Mutia
5/2/2019 08:21:50 am

That's a great question....and I"m sure you're not the only one asking it!

Reply
Liam J Duggan link
5/2/2019 05:05:17 am

Great Essay
An author once said
" God made man in his own image and likeness and man has returned the compliment"

Reply
Betty Jo Boyer
5/2/2019 05:23:11 am

Is it possible for an e-mail of this excellent article to be sent to me? I would love to have it copied for our congregation.

Reply
Sylvia Miller-Mutia
5/2/2019 08:20:29 am

Hi Betty, you are welcome to copy and share the article. I don't have it in a word file, but could certainly copy and paste it into one for you if you'd like. Email me at [email protected]

Reply
Mark LaRue
5/6/2019 05:10:19 am

I enjoyed this article. I was hooked in by the title because I know of atheist who participate in church, but don't believe in divine being. Your article seemed to address more the agnostic than the atheist. I would be interested in your thoughts regarding the committed atheist attending church. Also I would like to hear more about clergy who don't believe in God, yet still serve. How does that work?

Reply
Sylvia Miller-Mutia
5/7/2019 09:31:42 am

Hi Mark. I agree that the article is aimed more at the agnostic than the confirmed atheist--although I guess that the third section (your life, your family, our world might be better because of church, even if God doesn't exist) might be applicable to both situations. I, too, have met folks who identify as atheists, but are still committed to church. I don't feel qualified to speak to their experience or perspective, but it would be interesting to put the two perspectives in conversation.

Reply
Adam Blons
5/6/2019 08:31:36 am

Hi! I saw this shared on Facebook and it caught my attention. The points you make are exactly what we are trying to convey to our confirmands. I am going to share this with them! Beautifully written and so helpful.

Reply
Sylvia Miller-Mutia
5/7/2019 09:32:38 am

Hi Adam! I'm thrilled to hear that the article might be useful for your confirmands. All the best to you and your family from Donnel & me!

Reply
Kelly Benson link
12/6/2022 03:46:58 pm

How can tach those the doing plight on good now fom Kelly Benson

Reply
Michael Landon
5/18/2023 06:29:09 am

I was always a devout Christian until sometime in my 40s. It suddenly occurred to me one day then that I had no idea or concept whatever of anything the words "something wonderful and loving and intelligent called 'God' that created everything but the intelligent something that created everything but itself" meant. I realized I didn't know how to put together any thought of anything the sound "God" could mean. Not that I didn't want to, but just plain couldn't. But I never stopped going to church. I still go to church every Sunday because I have always sung in church choirs, and still do and have no reason to quit. I would never say anything I've said here to anybody I know. I say it here only because I can remain anonymous.

Reply
Bethany Lorenz
9/21/2023 05:32:15 pm

This is the first article that has addressed my question, and what I am feeling, about not being able to believe. No matter how I phrase my inquiry, all results I see are either directed toward Christians who are doubting, or atheists. You have given me something to start from in my search. Thank you. <3

Reply
devobv466192021 link
4/20/2025 10:47:37 pm

Really informative article, I had the opportunity to learn a lot, thank you. https://houseofhazards.run

Reply



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    Author

    My name is Sylvia Miller-Mutia, and I am a priest in the Episcopal Church.  I have recently accepted an exciting call to serve as assisting clergy at St. Mark's Episcopal Church in Albuquerque, NM with a focus on outreach, evangelism, and family ministry.  I continue serving as "priest at large" for the larger church and wider world, assisting the people of God in whatever ways I can, and developing new resources for spiritual formation to share.  Prior to my current call, I served as Rector (aka Pastor) of St. Thomas of Canterbury Episcopal Church in Albuquerque, NM (2015-2018), Assistant Rector at St. Gregory of Nyssa Episcopal Church in San Francisco, CA (2010-2015) and Pastoral Associate for Youth & Families at St. Stephen's Episcopal Church, Belvedere, CA (2002-2009).    I am married to Donnel (grief counselor, couples coach, artist, best dad ever), and we have three awesome kids, ranging in age from 8-14.

    ​ I hold a BFA in Ballet Performance from the University of Utah, an MA in Liturgy and the Arts from Pacific School of Religion, and Certificates of Anglican Studies and Theological Studies from Church Divinity School of the Pacific in Berkeley, CA.   As a priest, dancer, and mother of three, I am passionate about inviting people of all ages to join in seeking the divine through worship, prayer, and practice that is embodied, sacramental, participatory, and intergenerational. Creation, Creativity, and Connection with family and friends are the gifts by which God nourishes, stretches and sustains me.  ​

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