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The Journey of the Cross and Candles

4/29/2020

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In the Spring of the year of our Lord 2020, a great sickness swept over the whole earth.  In order to slow the spread of the disease, known by many as the corona virus, the  people of God were ordered to stay in their homes.  The people of God continued to gather on their computers and phones, to pray and worship together from home, but it was not the same.  

The Children’s Cross and Candles grew lonely and sad, sitting alone at the back of the empty church.  They wanted to do the jobs for which they were created!  They wanted to lead God’s people into worship!  They wanted to help God’s people pray!  

One day, the priest had an idea.
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“Cross and candles”, the priest said, “the time has come for you to undertake a journey.  If the children of God cannot come to church, you must go to them.  During this time, you must make your home with them, and you must help them make their homes the church!  And they, in turn,  must help you do the work for which you were created!  The children of God will help you lead the People of God into worship, wherever they are!”

And so the Children’s Cross and candles began their journey.  ​
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Each week, the Children’s Cross and candles traveled to the home of a different family from St. Mark’s Church.  Throughout the week the children cared for the cross and candles, including them in their games and their prayers, so that the Cross and the candles were not forgotten.  Then, on Sunday morning, the children carried the cross and the candles in procession (around their house, or their driveway, or yard) as all the people of God--in their homes throughout the city and across the world--joined together in singing the same song of praise to God.  When the Sunday service was over, the Cross and candles continued their journey...making their way to another house, to share the home of another family for the coming week.

In the weeks to come, you can visit this link follow the journey of the Cross and the Candles….and remember that in times of great sickness and in times of health alike, God’s home is with you, wherever you are!  
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The Journey of St. Mark's Cross & Candles
​Chapter 1: Week 1 (April 26-May 3, 2020)

On the first week of their journey, the Cross and Candles made their home with the Ribeiro-Elsenheimer family.  The children in the family kept the cross and candles busy throughout the week...they carried the cross and they sang songs ("We 3 Kings of Orient Are" was among the most popular), they proclaimed the Gospel, and they preached sermons about creatures and caves from high up on their improvised pulpit. With eager anticipation, the children helped the cross and candles prepare to lead worship for the people of God on Sunday, when the Bishop would be joining the people of St. Mark's for his "virtual visitation."  

To be continued....


Check this link next week for an update on the journey of St. Mark's Cross and Candles! 
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Ash Wednesday is coming!

2/20/2020

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I'll admit it.  I'm excited.  I love Ash Wednesday. I have always loved Ash Wednesday.  

On Sunday we'll make a bonfire of dried palm branches, which we blessed and carried in procession last Palm Sunday.  And, yes, I do love a good fire.  But that isn't all.

On Wednesday we will use the ashes from the incinerated palm branches to trace the sign of the cross on our foreheads and hear the words "Remember that you are dust, and to dust you shall return."  

It is a grave and tender blessing.  This same cross was traced on our foreheads at baptism as a sign of God's indelible loving claim on our lives, "You are sealed by the Holy Spirit in baptism, and marked as Christ's own, forever."  On Ash Wednesday we remember that promise, and with it this truth: "You are beloved.  And you are only human.  You are not perfect.  You are not immortal.  Yet even in your imperfection and mortality; even in sin and in death; you are beloved; you are God's own." 
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The other day I was teaching my weekly Music Together class for  young children and their parents.  As we do every class, we turned down the lights for a closing lullaby song, then as the lullaby ended I intoned the words:
In the beginning, the Spirit of God moved over the face of the deep
and God said
"Let...there...be...light!"

At that moment,  my 8 year old assistant, Lucia, flipped on the lights and I looked around the circle of children with wonder and delight and said:
And God saw that the light was good.
And God saw that EVERYTHING God made was good.

Then looking at each child around the circle in turn, beaming with love, I continued:
And God saw that you...and you...and you...and you...
​are good, and good, and very good. 

At which point my young friend (we'll call him "K") exclaimed VERY loudly, and without missing a beat:
"Mother Sylvia, I hitted Savannah at school today!" 
This impulse, this NEED to honestly confess our human failings is deeply embedded in our human spirit.  My young friend's spontaneous confession is a perfect example.  "K" needed to tell the truth about his failing.  He needed me to witness that truth.  And he needed me to assure him of his belovedness, in spite of--in light of--that truth.  
"Yes." 
I replied with great seriousness.
"That happens.  Even though we are good, and good, and very good, 
sometimes we still make bad choices.  
It's hard.  But it happens to all of us.
And when it happens, when we make bad choices, 
we can always say we're sorry, and we can always try to make it right."
"K" is not yet four years old.  He cannot yet read the Book of Common Prayer or pontificate on the intricacies of holy orders.  But even in the middle of music class, "K" knows that I am, above all, his priest.  And somehow, in his tender young heart, "K" knows exactly what a priest is for.  A priest is for hearing confessions.  A priest is for pronouncing God's blessing and absolution.  
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Ash Wednesday isn't about shame and unworthiness. Ash Wednesday is about the radiantly beautiful, breathtakingly fragile, and sometimes crushingly disappointing TRUTH of our existence.  God made us human, but we are not God.  God made us good, but we are not perfect.  This is the Good News: that even in the light of our worst mortal failings: We are seen.  We are heard.  We are known.  And WE ARE LOVED.  
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Going to Church when you don't believe in God

4/26/2019

13 Comments

 
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I was riding the BART train from San Francisco to Berkeley the other day when I got a text from my sister Katie.  "Can you remind me what you said that one time about lots of clergy not believing in God?"  I waited until I got off the train and hit re-dial.  I didn't know exactly what she was getting at, but it seemed unlikely that a text message would be sufficient to communicate the sensitivity and nuance that I felt an answer to her question deserved.  

It turned out that Katie had found herself in conversation that week with several people--a friend, a patient, a neighbor--all of whom seemed to be deeply longing to return to church after however many years away.  The problem was, they weren't sure they could go to church without being hypocritical, since they didn't really believe in God anymore.  Apparently they assumed that belief (whatever that means to them) in God (whatever that means to them) is  some sort of non-negotiable prerequisite for actively participating with integrity in the life of a Christian faith community. 

Katie and I talked for about a half hour, at which point one of her kids started wailing in the background and she had to hang up.  As she was hanging up, she threw in this quick request "Could you just put everything you said into a video or an essay or something?  Because I'm never going to be able to remember what you said the next time it comes up." 
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It's taken me a few weeks, Katie, but here you go.  Straight from the Pastor's mouth.

If you feel some sort of deep and persistent (or even vague and fleeting)  desire to go to church, it is 100% permissible to go, even if you don't "believe in God."   In fact, I'd say, you not only may, you probably should.  

Why? ​
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Because I believe that your desire is trustworthy and your desire is enough: 

  • First of all, by definition, desire always reflects what we lack, not what we  have.  Thus, it turns out, you can't desire faith unless you lack it. So lack of faith is actually a prerequisite for desiring faith.  And the desire for faith (as opposed to the confident or self-righteous possession of faith)  seems to me like a pretty good prerequisite for going to church.  (As a wise person once said, "The opposite of faith is not doubt.  The opposite of faith is certainty.")  In other words, I would argue that your lack of faith, far from disqualifying you from church participation, is precisely what qualifies you for participating with integrity in the life of the church community.  

  • Furthermore, I believe your desire for God (however vague or conflicted)  is actually a reflection of God's desire for you.  As far as I'm concerned, the fact that any part of you is longing to go to church, when there are so many reasons (both lame and solid) NOT to go, suggests the strong possibility that God is actually real, and that God is absolutely relentless in wooing you, me, and all of us stubborn, busy, resistant creatures into this irrational, dangerous, spectacularly irresistible love affair--with God, with all of God's children, and with God's whole creation.   
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Because I believe that "Belief" is regularly misunderstood and vastly overrated: 

  • When we say we don't "believe" in "God", we are usually making assumptions about "belief" and "God" which are questionable, at best.   If we think "belief" is fundamentally about intellectual understanding of and/or assent to some doctrinal or theological claim about  God or Jesus or the universe, then I know very few (if any) faithful church folks (lay or ordained) who could confidently call themselves "believers" 100% of the time.  Or even 50% of the time for that matter. Some of us are doing well if we hit 10%.   However, if we understand "belief", not in the modern sense of "intellectual understanding and assent", but rather in its more original and biblical sense, as "trusting in" and "being faithful to" God (that mysterious force of Love and Life that defies comprehension, but that nevertheless beckons to us and touches us from time to time in Scripture, in worship, in Christian community), then we can begin to imagine counting ourselves among "believers" with a little more regularity. Whatever ideas about God I  can or can't think or feel or imagine or accept on any given day, I can still in good conscience consider myself a "believer" because I can still choose trust; I can still choose to be faithful; I can still choose to commend my life to that Holy Mystery beyond my comprehension; I can still choose to show up, in spite of my "unbelief".

  • It turns out that in the Church, which is the Body of Christ, the  "belief"  of any individual member on any given day is largely irrelevant.  In the Church, we are each just one (tiny, yet indispensable) part of the Household of God.  In the Church, we are each just one (tiny, yet indispensable) part of the Body.  We all can and must contribute our many and varied gifts to the body.  But the best gift we contribute may not and need not always be the gift of faith.  In her commentary on Mark 16:9-20 in "Feasting on the Gospels", Pastor Mary Luti writes, " We might learn....to speak of the church as a company of disciples who pool the gift of faith, inquiring into, testing, grounding, and trusting each other's experiences of God, thereby building a great storehouse of faith small and great, new and seasoned, questioning and serene, from which we all borrow and to which we all lend, generation to generation..."  Imagine, if you will, the community of the Church as an enormous Faith Lending Library.  We might borrow from the library for years, for decades even, before we ever find anything of our own to contribute to the collection.  And that's totally okay. That's what libraries are for.  Not for coveting, comparing, or consuming.  For lending.  For borrowing. For sharing.   ​
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Because I believe that church participation--in and of itself--has the potential to support the health and flourishing of individuals, families, society, and creation.

  • Even if it turns out that God doesn't exist, I think it's entirely possible that your life and our world might still be better because you go to church.  Because music is good for you.  Singing is good for you.  Silence is good for you.  Reflection is good for you.  Prayer & meditation are good for you.  Community is good for you.  Service is good for you. Intergenerational relationships are good for you.  Ritual and routine are good for you.  Because regular church participation can significantly enhance your kids' literacy, leadership, and social skills as well as their empathy, musicality, and ability to sit reasonably still and be reasonably polite even when they're bored.  Because regular engagement with scripture and worship can enhance your kids' capacity for critical, imaginative, and metaphorical thinking.  Because being rooted in a community that stretches back into history grounds us.  Being rooted in a community that stretches across the globe broadens us.  Because encountering mystery humbles us.  Encountering beauty inspires us.  Engaging questions sharpens our thinking. Sharing suffering softens our hearts.  Shared practices and shared narratives help us find orientation and meaning and direction.in our lives. And, last but not least, we can do more good working together than we can working alone.     

So if you find yourself among those who feel some little nagging curiosity, urge, or longing to go to church, I say:  just do it!  Don't worry too much about what you do or don't believe.  For now, you can trust that your desire is enough.  For now, you can trust that showing up is enough.  (And if it turns out God is real, you can trust that S/He will take it from there.)  

Love, 
Sylvia+
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The Kingdom of God is like scrambled eggs?

1/15/2019

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On January 5th my husband Donnel and I celebrated our 17th wedding anniversary. This anniversary was particularly special, as we were celebrating it together with Donnel's family and friends in his hometown in the Philippines. I can still remember one premarital counseling session 17+ years ago in the library of St. Stephen's Episcopal Church where we explored boundaries and compared patterns of "distance" and "closeness" in our respective families of origin.  

In that session, I remember Donnel describing the difference between our respective cultures and families of origin like this:  "From my perspective, Sylvia's family, and Americans in general, are like hard boiled eggs.  On the other hand, my family, and Filipinos in general, are more like scrambled eggs.  I'm hoping that in this new family we're creating together, we can find a happy medium-- something like over-easy."  

It's not just families that can be like hard-boiled eggs in upper-middle class Anglo-American culture. In my experience, we tend to opt for fairly clearly defined boundaries around everything--our families, our houses, our money, our possessions, our churches, our communities, our lives.  And when those boundaries are dissolved or transgressed, it often makes us very nervous.  

I suspect this was one of the roots of the discomfort and conflict that surfaced in my former parish with the influx of unhoused people into the church.  The boundaries between "us and them", "rich and poor", "inside and outside", "clean and dirty" were transgressed.  And whenever our boundaries are transgressed, there can be a sense that our liberty is in peril and chaos and danger are close at hand.  The current "crisis" along the US/Mexico border is a case in point.  

I get it.  I could feel an uneasy sense rising within me as soon as we arrived in the Philippines.  It's hard to say what the feeling was, exactly.  Anxiety?  Judgement?  Perhaps the most charitable and accurate word to describe what I was experiencing is simply "disorientation."  

It seemed like practically every boundary that was familiar to my upper-middle class Anglo-American context had been dissolved.  In the Philippines, to my Western eyes at least, the boundaries were noticeably permeable and blurred between:

  • Wealth and poverty: Geographic areas of wealth and areas of poverty are not so clearly delineated.  "Rich" and "poor", "nice" and "bad" neighborhoods are all mixed up together.  Mansions rise up in the midst of slums.  Shacks with no indoor plumbing are literally adjacent to "fancy-schmancy" resorts.  Professionals live next door to the pedicab drivers who drive them to work each day, and their poorer cousin lives downstairs to help with chores.  

  • Indoors and Outdoors. Rural and Urban.  Human and Animal: In hot, humid weather, open doors and windows in homes, restaurants, churches, and shops facilitate the free flow between indoor and outdoor spaces, not only of fresh air, but also of noise and wildlife. Furthermore, "free range" was definitely the name of the game where animals were concerned. I encountered cows, goats, and water buffalo grazing along highways and city streets as well as in fields and rice paddies.  Dogs resting and roaming on the beach and through busy streets.  Roosters crowing day and night in backyards and beach resorts.  And swallows swooping back and forth in the nave throughout the Sunday church service. 
  • Commercial and Residential Space:  All along the road, residential front porches became neighborhood barbershops and front rooms (yards, porches, closets and sheds) became "Sari-Sari" stores where you could buy a bottle of water, a bag of chips, or an envelope of instant coffee for a handful of pesos. 
  • Public and Private Space:  ​For my profoundly introverted Anglo-American self, this was sometimes the hardest part.  Privacy and personal space just aren't things you can expect.  The upside? You can get an awesome massage or pedicure for 100-200 pesos (2-4 dollars) just about ANYWHERE--in the airport terminal, in the town square, in the city park.  
  • Performance and Participation in Art, Music, and Culture: Apparently Filipinos love to sing and dance and create strange semi-religious art installations EVEN more than I do!  There were Karaoke tour buses everywhere--for when you get a hankering to sing in the middle of the day and can't wait until you get to the bar later in the evening.  When the blind men who were giving massages for 100 pesos in the airport terminal didn't have any clients, they picked up their guitars and led songs for waiting travelers (many of whom sang along!)  There were contests to build the most original Nativity Scene at schools and resorts; contests to create the most original parol (Christmas Star) at churches and bus stations; contests to create the most original Christmas Tree (in a climate where pine trees do not grow) in shopping malls and empty lots.  The boundaries between "performer" and "audience"  or "producer" and "consumer" of music, dance, and art were often indistinct. 
  • Religious and Secular Space: There were religious shrines at airport gates, in gardens, and on street corners, chapels with simple iron bars instead of walls (so passersby could look in and saints could look out), chapel bells rising up from lines of laundry hanging out to dry, and pedicabs with brightly painted messages invoking saints and scriptures.
Did all this "mixing up" of people and practices and creatures make me uncomfortable?  Sure it did.  But as the days went by, I actually found myself relaxing into the "chaos" and coming to love it.  There was real beauty and holiness in the mixing. Somehow this messy, mixed-up world felt more lively and alive, more honest and real than the more sanitized, ordered and boundaried world in which I normally reside. 

I guess I shouldn't be surprised. After all, when all is said and done, isn't this the whole POINT of the Gospel in which I claim to place my faith?  I mean, in the Incarnation of Jesus, God chooses to transgress and dissolve the boundary between Divinity and Humanity, between Heaven and Earth.  How messy and disorienting is that???  And we all know how kindly the religious and imperial authorities take to Jesus and his boundary-busting.  Ha ha ha. But, despite religious and imperial attempts to discipline the disorder of Jesus by nailing him to a Cross, Jesus goes on to transgress and dissolve the ultimate border--the boundary between death and life--in his Resurrection.  

As we move into this New Year, I wonder if we might take a page from the Divine Playbook and dare to mix things up a little bit?  Get a little messy?  Will you join me in cracking some eggs?  We don't necessarily have to scramble them.  We could just crack them open for now.  Maybe let some faith and some music spill out.  Maybe let some fresh air and strangers flow in.  Perhaps in the process we'll find ourselves living just a little bit more fully into the Kingdom of God.
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To be or not to be...

12/2/2018

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A few days ago I arrived in Costa Rica for a 2 week Spanish Immersion course.  I am staying right on the beach in Tamarindo (Pacific Coast.)  Yesterday was my first morning in Tamarindo, so I woke up at 5am to pray, see the sunrise, and walk on the beach.  A few thoughts came to me as I walked along the water that I want to share with you. 

First,  I was captivated by the reflection of the morning sky on the beach and wondered if my Iphone could capture the illusion that I was walking on the water and/or walking on the sky.  Not exactly,  (see below) but it was worth a shot.  
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The other thought I had (which is certainly not new, but was new to me) was how linguistic structures and patterns might help or hinder our mental health and spiritual journeys. I was considering how the English language, in particular, might oppose my attempts to live mindfully and  reinforce my tendency to over-identify with or cling to passing emotions and experiences.  

For example, in English 
I AM hungry (Verb=to be)
and
I AM angry  (Verb=to be)
just as 
I AM a woman, a mother, and a Christian.  (Verb=to be)

Whereas in Spanish
I HAVE hunger/TENGO hambre (Verb: Tener)
and
I AM [temporarily in a state of] angry/ESTOY enojada (Verb: Estar) 
but
I AM a woman, a mother, and a Christian/SOY mujer, madre, y cristiana. (Verb: Ser)

For me, at least, it is useful to acknowledge that, while I might HAVE hunger, thirst, heat, cold, fear, etc. I AM not actually hunger, thirst, heat, cold or fear.  

And while I might at any given moment be in a state of anger, irritation, excitement, sorrow, happiness, exhaustion, etc., these states are not actually essential or permanent aspects of my being.  

On the other hand I AM a mother, a friend, a partner, a priest, a singer, a dancer, and child of God. 

This first day of Advent I invite you to reflect on the difference between having, temporary "being", and permanent "being."  

Que tienes?  What do you HAVE?
y
Como estas? HOW are you (at this moment)? 
y
​más importante
Quién eres?  WHO are you (in the most enduring sense of true identity and core vocation)?  

Hasta pronto!  
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Foundations...

11/28/2018

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Pausing to pray in the midst of the monastery ruins on Lindisfarne (Holy Island), UK.  The present day parish church can be seen just beyond the ruins, in upper left hand corner of the photo.  

Then Jesus asked them, ‘You see all these, do you not? Truly I tell you, not one stone will be left here upon another; all will be thrown down.’ (Matthew 24:2) 

We hear some variation of this statement from Jesus in all three synoptic gospels (Matthew, Mark and Luke.)  Honestly.  It's no wonder they killed him.  Whenever we humans are working hard to build or maintain some monumental program or project or structure or institution or business or church or other modern day "temple", this is definitely NOT a message we want to hear.  

But, like it or not, what Jesus says is true.  And, I believe, nestled in the (often hard) truth of Jesus' words there is always  Good News.  

Jesus asked them, ‘You see all these, do you not? Truly I tell you, not one stone will be left here upon another; all will be thrown down.’ 

So where is the Good News in this future Jesus promises?

My visit to Holy Island/Lindisfarne (a small island off the Northeast Coast of England) this past summer got me thinking about foundations.  

Just beyond the present day parish church on Lindisfarne are the ruins of the 12th century priory.  The medieval priory was built on the site of a 7th century Anglo-Saxon monastery, which in turn was quite possibly established on the site of some pre-Christian worship or devotion.  

Here's the history of Holy Island in a nutshell:

In 635 St. Aidan founded the first Christian monastery on Holy Island.  A century and half later, in 793, Viking raids forced the monks on Holy Island to abandon the monastery and flee to the mainland.  Some 400 years later, in the 12th century, monks from the mainland re-established a religious community on Lindisfarne and built a magnificent new church on the site of the former monastery church.  A small monastic community continued on the site for another 400 years or so, until 1537, when, to mark the severing of ties between the Church of England and the Church of Rome, King Henry VIII ordered the dissolution of all English monasteries.  Today a Christian community gathers to worship on Holy Island in a church building just steps from the old monastery ruins.  But in due time that building-- and the institutions that support it --will undoubtedly crumble and fall, as well.   

The inevitable crumbling of the church as we know it--along with every other structure and monument we spend our lives laboring to erect and maintain--seems somehow less disastrous when seen from amidst the ruins on Holy Island.  Sure, my present pet project might be destroyed or abandoned, but in 400 (or 4 or 4,000) years another generation might well come and build something beautiful for God on the foundation of what I so painstakingly sought to erect.  

Everything we build, we build on foundations left by those who came before us.  And everything we build--even when it falls--can become part of the foundation on which those who come after us may build.  

When we come to trust that the only true foundation on which we build is none other than Jesus Christ, then we can persevere in working with due care and diligence, but without undue pride or anxiety.  We can do our small part to build something that is beautiful, solid, and useful for a time, in the full and certain knowledge that our most useful, solid, beautiful constructions are also always temporary.  All will be thrown down.  Which is, it turns out, actually fine.  It is, in fact, as it should be.  

In a few days the Church will enter the season of Advent.  A season of darkness. Of waiting.  Of anticipation.  As we mark the beginning of the Circle of the Church Year, can we not only accept, but even rejoice in the dismantling of our old structures, old accomplishments, old monuments, old dreams?  

 I tell you, not one stone will be left here upon another; all will be thrown down.

Can we watch, unflinchingly, as our old temples fall?  So that can we rejoice in doing our next small part, with God, in creating something new?  


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Walking barefoot in Cologne, Germany on the excavated remains of a Roman road built c. 50 AD,  
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Navigating Unknown Territory

11/16/2018

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Earlier this fall my husband and I met in Paris for a mini-vacation--our first experience of international travel together in our 15+ years of marriage.  It was delightful and infuriating and hilarious to witness  the radically divergent ways in which Donnel and I responded in the face of the challenges of the unknown.

Upon our arrival in an unfamiliar place, uncertain which direction to go, Donnel's approach was characterized by extraordinary patience and unhurried curiosity.  Left to his own devices, he would study the map for 10 minutes.  Then he would rotate the map 1/4 turn clockwise and study it for another 10 minutes from that vantage point.  And so forth.  Until shadows lengthened.  And night fell.  And we missed dinner.  And we missed our plane.  And we grew old together on the subway platform in a foreign land. 

My approach, on the other hand, was characterized by bold action and impatient curiosity.  "I think we should go this direction," I would announce with an air of completely unfounded authority, and begin briskly and purposefully walking in some direction.  I figured, "If we're going to be lost, I'd rather be lost seeing the city than lost looking at the map."  Plus I think my mother must have impressed upon me at an early age (when I was a young girl studying ballet in the big city) that, in order to avoid being mugged or kidnapped, it was important to always carry yourself with confidence and look like you knew where you were going.  

For anyone who has known Donnel or me for more than 10 minutes, none of this will come as a surprise.   What DID surprise (and humble) me was the chance to notice my own sense of panic and immediate resistance in the face of every new challenge and unfamiliar situation.

I would descend into the subway station and immediately think "Oh my God!  Oh no!  I can't do this! I don't know where to go!"

A saner version of me would say "Of course you don't know where to go.  You've never been here before.  You're not expected to know how to do something BEFORE you do it.  You'll figure it out by doing it.  That's how we learn.  Besides which, that's what all the signs and maps posted all over the place are for.  To help you figure out where you are and how to get where you want to go. "

Like I have said, in my head if not out loud (and somewhat impatiently, I must admit) to anxious church members in the face of  new or unknown challenges about a zillion times.  

In ministry contexts I've chosen and learned to embrace and cherish the necessity of venturing into unknown territory as an exhilarating opportunity to be surprised anew by God's astounding faithfulness and by unknown reserves of giftedness, resiliency, and creativity in myself and others.  

It took a trip down into the Paris subway system to remind me that I can be just as anxious and grouchy in the face of the unknown as the most anxious and grouchy parishioner.  (There's almost a pun in there....Paris....Parish...)

Luckily God loves all of us enough to accept us just as we are AND God loves all of us too much to enable us to remain that way. 

Later this month I'll travel to Costa Rica for a Spanish Immersion course, then we'll travel as a family to the Philippines to visit Donnel's family over Christmas.  And I'll get to experience (and choose to resist or embrace) the anxiety of the unknown all over again. 

And so I'll  get another chance.  And so will the church.  And so will you. 

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Dios te salve Maria

9/18/2018

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​This past weekend (September 13-16) I was honored to participate in the 2nd annual New Mexico Pilgrimage for Unity, a 45 mile ecumenical walking pilgrimage through Northern New Mexico, in which pilgrims from a variety of Christian traditions-both Catholic and Protestant-walk and pray together for Christian Unity.  

Last year I was privileged to participate in the pilgrimage as Spiritual Director and provide leadership for worship and prayer throughout the journey (alongside Seth Finch, pastor of Covenant Presbyterian Church in ABQ and David Poole, liturgical musician at large).  This year I was blessed to step back and receive the rich blessing of being a simple pilgrim,  led in prayer and worship by  this year's Spiritual Direction Team (which included Ariel Bondoc, a Roman Catholic musician from the Philippines, Becky Glad, an Evangelical Christian from Texas, and Stephanie Gretchen, a Quaker from Albuquerque.)

Our journey began at Christ in the Desert Monastery.  We walked to Ghost Ranch, and then on to Abiquiu, and at last to Chimayo. 
 On the first day of our pilgrimage, as we started to make our way from Christ in the Desert towards Ghost Ranch, I asked one of my fellow pilgrims, Eugene Corrales (a young Roman Catholic from Abiquiu) to teach me to pray the Hail Mary in Spanish.  

I have found it useful, over the past several months, to pray and read devotional material in Spanish.  I am only a (very) beginning Spanish student, but I find that by praying in my non-dominant language, I am able to approach God in a different--more simple, childlike, and trusting--way.  

 With Eugene's help, I prayed the words over and over again...

​Dios te salve, María, 
llena eres de gracia, 
el Seńor es contigo. 

Bendita tú eres entre todas las mujeres, 
y bendito es el fruto de tu vientre, Jesús. 

Santa María, Madre de Dios, 
ruega por nosotros, los pecadores, 
ahora y en la hora de nuestra muerte.
Amén


...step by step, mile by mile, the words of the prayer began to grow within me--first into a movement meditation, and then into a song.  
By the end of Day 1, the movement meditation had taken shape.  By the end of Day 2, the melody had taken shape.  By Day 3 the movement and melody carried the prayer--and me along with it--so that my conscious mind no longer had to struggle to find the words, and my feet no longer had to struggle to find their step.

​At the end of the third day of walking we reached our destination-El Santuario de Chimayo.  To my surprise I was greeted there by a statue of Our Lady, with the opening lines of the Hail Mary inscribed, in Spanish, above her head!
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Below you will find an explanation/demonstration that I created of the movement meditation at Ghost Ranch, at the end of our first day of walking.
And below is a video of the movement meditation and song I created (with the help of pilgrim Orlinie Vasquez) during our lunch break at the Chama River on Day 2 of the pilgrimage. 
If you are an English speaking Catholic--perhaps praying the Hail Mary in Spanish will deepen or revive your connection to the prayer.

If you are a Spanish speaking Catholic--perhaps praying Dios te salve Maria in movement or song will expand or renew your connection to the prayer.

If you are an English or Spanish speaking Protestant, perhaps the words, or the movements, or the melody of this prayer will allow you to experience anew the power of being carried by the prayer and intercession of Mary, who is not only the mother of Jesus but also our sister in faith. 
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The Fire Inside Impels Us on the Road...

9/18/2018

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A generous grant from Austin Presbyterian Theological Seminary recently enabled my preaching cohort to travel to England for a weeklong prayer and study retreat as part of our two year "Resistance Through Preaching and Song" Project. We are an ecumenical group: two ELCA Lutherans (Alex & Asher); two Episcopalians (Kerri & me); one Swedenborgian (Anna) plus one other member (not an official part of the cohort for purposes of the grant) from the Church of England (Gemma). 

​One highlight of our retreat was a day trip to Holy Island/Lindsifarne on the August 31st--the feast of St. Aidan.  

In the church on Holy Island we found a beautiful illumination (below) including these words:

His love that burns inside me
​impels me on the road
to seek for Christ in the stranger's face
or feel the absence of His touch
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Before the tide rolled in, cutting off the Island from the mainland, I took off my shoes so that I could walk barefoot on the Pilgrim's Way from Holy Island back to the mainland.  As I walked through sand and water, mud and sea grass, praying and pondering these words, step by step a song began to take shape.

​​The fire inside
impels me on the road
to seek Christ in the stranger's face
​or feel the absence of his touch.
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In the video below, you can see the members of my preaching group "on the road" after our trip to Holy Island, and we'll do our best to teach you the song.  

​The fire inside
impels us on the road
to seek Christ in the stranger's face
​or feel the absence of His touch.
The fire inside
impels us on the road
to seek Christ in the stranger's face
​or feel the absence of His touch.


Powerful words, huh? And challenging.

I am essentially a homebody, so any fire that "impels me on the road" is at least a little bit scary.  And as a strong introvert, the demand to "seek Christ in the stranger's face or feel the absence of Christ's touch" is definitely scary.    

And yet at the same time I definitely experience a fire inside that continually impels me forward--out of my comfort zone and onto the road--into challenging situations and challenging relationships that  I might never choose of my own accord. 

Thanks be to God, the Kingdom of God isn't built entirely on my choosing!

​As Jesus says in John's Gospel:


You did not choose me but I chose you. And I appointed you to go and bear fruit, fruit that will last.... (John 15:16)
 
While I might not have the power, of my own accord, to choose the path God has set before me,  neither do I have the power, in the end, to deny it.  

In the words of the Prophet Jeremiah:

...within me there is something like a burning fire
   shut up in my bones;
I am weary with holding it in,
   and I cannot. (Jeremiah 20:9)



​The fire inside
impels us on the road
to seek Christ in the stranger's face
​or feel the absence of His touch.


When has the fire of Christ's love impelled YOU out of your place of safety and comfort?  
What fire impels you on the road  to seek Christ in the stranger's face?  
When have you heeded the fire, and experienced the touch of Christ on the road or in the stranger's face?
When have you ignored the fire, only to experience the absence of Christ's touch? 
In what direction is the fire inside impelling you today?
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Agua Vital...

9/12/2018

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In July 2018, at the very start of my sabbatical, I had the honor of participating in several temezcales (meso-american sweat lodges), at the invitation of my friend the Rev. Virginia Marie Rincon, as part of an annual summer "curanderismo" course offered by the University of New Mexico which offers students an opportunity to explore traditional healing of Mexico and the Southwest. 

In the temezcal we sang this song:

Agua vital, purificame
Fuego de amor, quema mi temor
Viento del alma, llevame al altar
Madre Tierra, vuelvo a mi hogar
en el temezcal


[Living water, purify me
fire of love, consume my fear
wind of the spirit, carry me to the altar
mother earth, I return to my home
in the temezcal]


​As a priest in the "Episcopal Branch of the Jesus Movement", I find an easy resonance with this song.  I believe that not only all humankind, but all of creation is created and called to share in God's work of healing, God's work of creation and re-creation.  

Scripture and liturgy alike abound with references to the elements of water, fire, wind, and earth.

I can't help but think of the waters of baptism,  the purifying fire  and rushing wind of the Holy Spirit,  the earth from which we are formed and to which we return, remember you are dust and to dust you shall return.  

As I continued to pray this song in the days following the temezcal, a 3 part series of movements and images came to mind. 
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​With the first repetition of the song, I imagine myself as a seed, buried deep in the earth.  I imagine rainwater drenching the earth, fire sweeping across the ground above me, consuming dry grasses and trees, wind rushing over the landscape, sweeping it clean.  All the while, I remain buried: waiting, gestating, in the dark depths of Mother Earth, God's Womb or God's Heart.

With the second repetition of the song, I rise up to my knees, imagining that I am the seed sprouting up from the earth.  A seedling, a "green blade rising", a tender shoot I remain rooted in the earth, but begin to stretch up towards the sky.  I feel myself bathed in gentle raindrops and fiery sunbeams.  I bloom and flower, and release seeds which are carried on the wind up into the sky, then back down into the earth.

With the third repetition of the song, I rise to standing. I imagine that I am standing in a pool under a waterfall.  The cleansing waters of baptism wash over me.  A fire rises from the earth, consuming and transforming fear (and all that is not of God) from within my body, belly, heart, mind.  The rushing wind of the Spirit blows the ash of the fear and falsehood (aka Ego) that has been consumed to the four corners, and carries the golden seed of my True Self--the tiny, beloved Child of God, created in the image and likeness of God--up to the heavens, to the Altar of God, then back down to be planted in the earth,  the Womb of God where I receive nourishment for growth once more. 

​ In the videos below (recorded amidst the monastery ruins at Holy Island/Lindisfarne during my recent preaching group retreat) I demonstrate this movement meditation.   

I invite you to explore praying with this song, these images, these movements, these elements in the days to come. Through them, may you come to know more deeply God's healing, creating, and re-creating work in your own body, mind, spirit, life, and community.

And I invite you to share what you discover in the comments, below. 
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    Author

    My name is Sylvia Miller-Mutia, and I am a priest in the Episcopal Church.  I have recently accepted an exciting call to serve as assisting clergy at St. Mark's Episcopal Church in Albuquerque, NM with a focus on outreach, evangelism, and family ministry.  I continue serving as "priest at large" for the larger church and wider world, assisting the people of God in whatever ways I can, and developing new resources for spiritual formation to share.  Prior to my current call, I served as Rector (aka Pastor) of St. Thomas of Canterbury Episcopal Church in Albuquerque, NM (2015-2018), Assistant Rector at St. Gregory of Nyssa Episcopal Church in San Francisco, CA (2010-2015) and Pastoral Associate for Youth & Families at St. Stephen's Episcopal Church, Belvedere, CA (2002-2009).    I am married to Donnel (grief counselor, couples coach, artist, best dad ever), and we have three awesome kids, ranging in age from 8-14.

    ​ I hold a BFA in Ballet Performance from the University of Utah, an MA in Liturgy and the Arts from Pacific School of Religion, and Certificates of Anglican Studies and Theological Studies from Church Divinity School of the Pacific in Berkeley, CA.   As a priest, dancer, and mother of three, I am passionate about inviting people of all ages to join in seeking the divine through worship, prayer, and practice that is embodied, sacramental, participatory, and intergenerational. Creation, Creativity, and Connection with family and friends are the gifts by which God nourishes, stretches and sustains me.  ​

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